October 3, 2011

Anya keeps growing up-- still not talking but lots of vocalization as we approach 15 months.  She adjusted well to day care with Miss Etta.  Two more bottom teeth started appearing early in September, about the 3rd.  She is a very smart baby.  Last night she kept seeking and finding her baby book.  She wanted me to look at it with her-- only that one.

Natalya is "sweet" at school.  At home she can be a challenge-- hates reprimands, will scold and hit you  back, call you poo poo head and stupid!  Yet, she can be mischievious and get into trouble.  She has made friends in C-1.  Mentions Raine a lot, even had her first play date.  Loves her new teacher.  Is perfectly happy in her new classroom.  Loves cooking/ helping in the kitchen and practicing gymnastics at Jill's.  She's better this month, but still she gets very attached to one outfit, underwear and all, and insists on wearing it for days.  She wants to nurse a lot and whines when she can't. Won't take no for an answer--- easily anyway.  I'm conflicted.

November 24, 2011 Thanksgiving

Lots to be thankful for.  As a mother, I am, of course most thankful for 4 healthy, growing children and their loving, supportive "papa".  Life is more hectic, loud and sometimes stressful with them but never dull or lonely.

Anya is now 16 months.  Not talking like crazy yet, but she is making progress and seems to understand quite a bit.  Ask her to go throw something in the trash can, and she'll walk right over and do it.  No hesitation.  She says dog, cat, hi, and mama and papa, of course.  I think she asks "what's that?" but it's not 100% clear.  Loves books and buttons.  Already knows how to navigate a Smartphone screen.  I love the image I got in my head of her last weekend, though she wouldn't let me "snap" the shot.  She's got a full head of blonde curls these days. She was wearing her birthday girl T and pink knit pants with a ruffle on the bootie.  Over her pants she wore a frilly pink polka dot skirt covered with a layer of tulle. Very feminine, very sweet, very much like her big sis Natalya, who's all about twirly, tulle covered skirts lately.  She is so funny -- will often wear an outfit she likes for several days in a row.

Natalya is almost 4.  She knows her birthday is January 5th, and she is ready.  She's moved onto C-1/ Ms. Sandy's class and loves it.  She has several friends in class, Raine, Jessie, Caya, and Lilyanne.  She's big on writing numbers and letters.  Talks a mile a minute, and is "boisterous" once she's comfortable and gives up her reserved nature. She sings (I'm a little acorn brown), is an adorable pilgrim, and loves minastics (yeah, cartwheels).  Still sleeps with mom and dad and loves mama milk.  She's getting big for this, but I know it will pass all too soon, and I'll miss it, so I don't wean her.  I know it will come one day.

Alexander loves drawing and singing.  His best friend these days in Dominic.  They play Wild Kratts.  He's making progress with reading and sailing through kindergarten.  His temper can be explosive, and I don't like how he uses the word stupid, especially with me and his sisters, but he also tells me he loves me and can be most affectionate.  I think he knows right and wrong.

Milena is working on Jingle Bells on the piano.  She wrote about herself at school.  Said she was 4 feet tall, played piano, and had a "mixed up" family.  She's friendly with everyone at school. Her teachers like her.  Lately the friend she mentions most is Shepherd Harvill.  I enjoyed my date to A Little Princess with her and Nati last weekend.  They were so attentive!

August 12, 2011

Went for check ups and vaccines yesterday.  Renewed my driver's license at the DMV this morning.  Getting ready for .... back to school.

2nd grade, kindergarten, pre k3, and day care.

Milena is just about 48" and 46 lbs.
Alexander is 42.5" and 42 lbs.
Nati is 37" and almost 30 lbs.
Ana is 29" and close to 18 lbs.

August 7, 2011

Anya is WALKING, even though Milena wishes it weren't so. She cannot meet a milestone earlier than her big sis after all.  But really, as of July 25 Anya took her first step (or two).  By this past week, just shy of 13 months, August 3rd, she was taking 4-5 steps at various times throughout the day.  Any time now I expect her to "take off." As of now she's good at taking several steps before reverting to crawling, which she still does a lot of. 

Alexander has been watching lots of TV when not perfecting his swimming or enjoying kid fun days at Camp Chai.  His favorite is Phineas and Ferb.  He couldn't wait to watch the 'movie' this week, P and F Across the 2nd Dimension.  He did (3 times) but cried-- real tears-- at the end when the Platupus character, Agent P, left Earth and went back to space.

Milena-- oh the drama these days.  "Send Alexander away."  "You forgot to get my pajamas and underwear out, you just don't love me."  Life is tough, isn't it?  For her or for me is the question?  She loved  being Queen Furaday in Rapunzel at art camp and convinced the teacher of her Mad Science camp (with my help) to have their last day be a "pajama" day. Milena is 'swimming' better WITH GOGGLES that I have to keep replacing.  We're on our 4th pair I believe.

Natalya is happily potty trained and still happily? not weaned.  She likes wearing hair beads on her ankles and telling me to do stuff "right now."  She enjoys singinig Fiddler on the Roof songs in her new car seat as we travel.  "Put music on," she shouts.

Ana is One Year

On July 10 she turned a year.  On July 14 we were at the pediatrician's office for a chest x ray.  Turns out she has croup.  Ricky and I were a little worried she may have aspirated a piece a walnut from our anniversary carrot cake.

Her stats at this point, before I forget, are weight: 17 lbs 11 oz, height: 28 3/4, head 17 3/4.  There you have it for one year.

June 26, 2011

Time is flying by . . .

Natalya-- still potty trained. Love that. Hate that she whines for mommy milkie so much. I love to comply, but not as much as she wants it. Tell her NO, and she breaks into a crying fit. No to milk, or no -- you're doing something wrong, even though she knows she's doing something wrong! She can also be very explosive and rough-- with her toys and her real baby Anya, even though she loves Anya. What a nut! Is that the tom boy in her? She loves having conversations with herself. She seems to be, from what I can discern, extremely aware of her grandmother's death. It get incorporated into her play.

Milena-- wishes Alexander would leave this family, except when she's loving on him or enjoying Nick Jr games on the computer with him, etc. She did exceptionally well at her 3rd piano recital yesterday. Even Papa was very proud and full of praise-- Yeah!

Alexander-- is loving the computer-- Nick Jr's website has caught his attention. Last month he was all about Wild Kratts. Kept asking for a power suit. He also wanted a shrink machine. These things just don't come at Walmart. He learned how to swim this week ... for real. Now I wish he would learn to control his hitting impulse.

I'm still working on the girls. Hope Milena swims soon!

Today Ricky made a slip and slide in the front yard. All joined in, even baby Ana.

Baby Ana is approaching a year. Twice in the last couple days I caught her catch her balance and stand unsupported for a couple seconds. She's usually super smiley-- what a sweet baby.

June 16, 2011

Hopefully, dad will like his new home. An apartment is a memory care unit at an Assisted Living called Emeritus. It's in G'ville, right down the street from Michael. Lots better than the nursing home where he has been this last month. I'll miss being able to visit, but moving him to Shreveport when he really is out of it and often agitated seemed like a lot. It's not like he would really relish the grandkids. I'm sure they'd cheer him up once in a while, but other times they'd probably overwhelm him . . . and it's not as if he really knows who they are these days.

Anya is now 11 months. Went for a check up on 5/24. She was 17lbs 5oz, 28 1/4 inches, and her head was 17 3/4. She is definitely saying mama now-- and means me. "Mamamama" when she wants milk. She will point to her boca and blubber. She pulls up and walks holding onto furniture since 6/1. We're now waiting for walking. She started getting her 2 upper teeth around 5/27 and now they are clearly descending. I love it when she laughs and gets excited: He He, He He. And she likes to box my face with both hands. Boy can she cry loud when she wants attention.

Milena opened some Ariel underwear on her birthday on 6/10, and Natalya immediately took an interest. At the dinner table she announced that she was taking off her diaper and would now put on underwear. She wasn't kidding. She changed and immediately took charge of her potty training. Basically, she's now trained. After 3 years and 5 months, it was about time! She likes her T shirt-- I love mama's milk. She's very cute when she talks lately-- uses her instead of she as a subject pronoun. "Her is sleeping." I won't correct her too much; I know this phase too will pass all too quickly.

Milena and Alexander are taken up with Kung Foo Panda. I like when they call Anya "Little Master" in their pseudo Asian accents.

When I told Alexander I needed more money to buy him something and asked him where he thought money came from he just said--- go get your other purse!

May 18, 2011

Life is much the same as it always was . . . and then again it isn't. These days I'm busy with 2 new projects 1) Teaching Bradley classes-- had 4 couples last night and 2)Researching nursing homes.

Ana is crawling everywhere since Easter (4/24/11). She does the traditional cross pattern, hands-knee version. She got a bottom tooth a couple weeks ago and just today I noticed the other bottom one on the left poking through. She's can pull up -- also new in the last week or ten days I'd say. She's trying to talk too. In addition to dadada, Ricky swears he heard her say mama on Sunday (5/15), and I'm sure she said hello on Monday. The articulation wasn't clear, but I know that's what she was trying to get out as we passed Ms. Cathy in the halls of Montessori. With her big blue eyes and smiley self, she should be a movie star.

Natalya-- well, we'd still like her to potty train. She's learning letters at school. Over the weekend I caught her reading her diaper. Z , zebra, "z."

Alexander-- funny as usual. His favorite show is Wild Kratts. He has to watch everyday and keeps begging for a power suit. For his birthday he did get Hexbugs, which he really loved. He's also looking forward to growing butterflies. Did I write that he got into Magnet last month? We're leaving him at Montessori for now though.

Milena is preparing to be a flamingo in her class play, just play the Mermaid' s Song in her piano recital, and would love to be Rapunzel in a play over the summer. Her mind is always going. I hate when her father gets really angry with her for not being organized and keeping up with her homework.

Are you OK, mom? Where are you? People have been writing short notes to me on FB all day. Sure it's not the most personal, but distributing my pain and getting little reassurances does help a little. Everywhere I look are signs of you-- presents, cards, notes, pictures, kid art ... Can't believe you will never speak back to me again. I know you'd like my hair with a cut-- not really, but yes really I remember how you always had to make our beds if we didn't, especially as adults. As kids we were trained too! Worry is interest paid on trouble before it is due Together we are strong (Eccl 4-9) Joy Luck Club-- mom had best quality heart We've lost-- but considering all she shared over the years, we certainly keep so much of her, much more than we are even aware of--and that will sustain us, help us thrive So now your are with God. That I believe. You told me your biggest wish, after you died, would be that somehow you could speak to us here, inform us that you had landed, safe and sound. Even in your demise, you were looking for one more sermon. But you knew there is a maddening yet majestiv reason you cannot speak to us today, because if you could, we might not need faith. And faith is what yo uwere all about. I have to believe that you have melted back into His glory, your soul is like a returned favor, you are a star in his sky and a warm feeling in our hearts. We believe that you are with your forefathers, with your daughter, with your past, and at peace. THus says the Lord . . . I have heard your prayer and seen your tears. I will heal you. Isaiah 38.5

More notes

See -- I knew I'd write more ---

I just remember something mom said in a recent conversation: I think I lived at the right time-- couldn't imagine growing up now/ or something very close to this.

Eery, kind of.

Notes for a eulogy

OK-- yes, mom was a saint. I could think of some faults-- could be judgmental. None of liked to hear she didn't approve of what we were doing-- how did she know we were doing it? how did she know it was the wrong path or action?

Really my mom had her act together. She was organized and neat. She knew where things were. She kept a very orderly home-- schedules, meal plans, etc.

She was artistic and creative.

She was a helpful proofreader.

She could even do home repairs.
She got us through school

Being a nurse she could take care of us when we were sick. Always made us feel better.

She was a good ear.

She made sure we had adventures-- let us get out in the world

She helped us do our best

She loved tradition and family--see all the pictures in our house!

I try, but I'm Maureen-- I look a little like Rita, I have a little Rita in me-- but I'm no Rita. AT my house, there are dishes in the sink, dusty cobwebs, pictures that don't hang straight, kids with messy hair-- and art project that definitely need someone else's assistance. I also don't have her look that got us kids to get in line and act right. I'm more of a pushover.

but I got to me a mommy too-- I work hard in my home and out of it too -- job and kids, no nanny, just like her, and I try my best to keep the traditions I learned from her-- and maybe even improve on some of them or at least add my own touch

The worst news of my life

Tonight (3/24/11) while laying my babies down to sleep I got the worst news of my life. I guess. I'm also sure the full impact has not hit me yet, so I don't even know if I've never felt worse. It ranks up there for sure. My mom--mommy-- died. My worst nightmare and yet with each passing year I knew this grief had to catch up to me at some point. Hardly anyone escapes, except maybe those who die very young. And now I know when and where it happened to me. My parent's neighbor Liz Janeszewski told me, and Michael soon got on the phone with some more details of the circumstances. I think it must have been quick and unexpected-- good for her, probably not so good for us. It was probably a heart attack, like I expected, but that was some day in the future, not today. She had just beat cancer and had at least a few really good things to look forward to, after all.

Now I'm writing because I can't sleep. I knew I couldn't from the moment the news arrived. I have a heavy tightness in my abdomen. My palms and soles are kind of sweaty. I am sad. I know in days ahead I'll be even sadder. My mom was a guide, a sounding board, a very close friend, after all. And she was the grandmother of my babies. I'm sure she wanted to hold them closer and see them grow a little more. She also really wanted to be with all of us to enjoy my sister's wedding coming up in 2 months. That would have been a beautiful gathering with her there.

So here I am with her in spirit, a new relationship . . . but not able to hug her physically or talk to her physically for a very long time. I'll really miss her.

But more than sadness I also feel some of the burden she carried in her last years-- what will happen now to dad who has Alz and Megan who wants to care for him but needs help with him and herself? What are we supposed to do? Oh, yeah, and how much will it cost? Can we afford it? There are so many unknowns. We have to get through the funeral (gulp) first, I tell myself and my 3 siblings. That will be difficult enough, but it's only a few days; the next part of the journey seems really tough. I'm exhausted contemplating it, and yet, ironically, I can't get to sleep tonight. This is my vigil.

Iknow I'm not the only one in this state-- just last week thousands of loved ones died in the natural disasters that devastated Japan and on 3/23 Elizabeth Taylor died of congestive heart failure. I won't miss her nearly as much as my mom, though. Maybe my mom has met her now in heaven!

Funny thing --- I noticed on all the news reports yesterday that Liz Taylor was born in 1932. Seeing that made me think of my parents, born in 1931 and 1935. I definitely paused and thought-- their time to move to the next life is close. Little did I know how close. Today 2 other incidents stand out-- in hindsight. Premonitions? Coincidences? But I'll remember them now. In my first class this morning a student gave a presentation on a short story they read about a man waiting in a train station. This train station turns out to be Purgatory. He has died, but because of the life he led, he must wait in this 'waiting' room/ sala de espera. The second thing that happened was in my second class. Right before class I had some time, so I decided to search a website for a preterite/ imperfect practice exercise. I was looking for something that might be better than what was in our text. I found one with a video and a listening component. In the video a hotel clerk was recounting the panic she felt when a man approached her check in counter and collapsed. He had a heart condition, but it turned out he came to and was fine. The incident scared this woman, though. Little did I know I would hear a slightly similar tale recounted by my brother, but my mom was not OK, and the panic has not subsided here.

All I can think of right now is to pray-- to God, for my mom and to my mom-- please send angels to guide us in our journey so that our family can thrive and prosper, even without our rock and our glue. For Megan I wish this. For Michael, Melanie, and my babies and myself also. For dad, well, I don't know what to wish. Is it bad if I wish he could join her soon? I don't know anything really. Maybe he still has a lot to give and a purpose here despite his cognitive condition and some physical complications. So, I wish him peace and comfort. I pray that we can give him these things-- and still keep them for ourselves too, at least for the most part. How much should we sacrifice? I don't want him to suffer a lot, but I'm afraid to suffer myself too. Could anyone be as devoted, loving, and practical as his Rita?

It's a mess. The lung cancer scare last September-October did prepare us a little better. I think the will and trusts are in better shape. Nothing could prepare us for this enough, though, really.

Today, my last day with my mom on Earth

6:45 Wake up and drink tea
7:15 Wake and dress kids
7:40 Feed kids and pack lunches
8:05 Leave for Montessori
8:20 Return home; talk to Ricky in Dallas
8:30 Enjoy breakfast with Anya
9:00 Move laundry downstairs for Lucy
9:20 Finish getting ready for school
9:40 Get to school with Anya
9:45 Listen to students present while trying to entertain and even occasionally nurse Anya
10:30 Leave for Montessori/ Day of the Child volunteer clean up duty
11:00 Volunteer while Anya sleeps in the office; see Alexander and Natalya at school
11:30 Enjoy salad lunch at Creswell Park while Anya keeps sleeping
12:00 Return to Centenary to prepare next class
12:50 Teach class to Erika and Natasa
1:50 Go home to check on Lucy, check email, make calls-- can we pick out tile tomorrow?
3:00 Pick up my kids
3:30 Snack time, wait for Lucy to leave
5:00 Emails, deciding can't cook-- meat not thawed; talk to Pam about childbirth ed
5:30** Probably time my mom had just left this Earth
7:00 Go to dinner
9:00 Home for bath, bedtime with kids
9:45 a little late, but we're in bed-- and then, the phone call!


I last talked to my mom on her birthday 3/21. We talked about silly, mundane things, as usual, but they meant something to us: clothes for the wedding, Melanie's move to Africa, Megan getting time off for a beach vacation, Susanne coming for the wedding, Ricky's garden, Alexander protecting Natalya-- the story from the park.

I last saw my mother right before the New Year-- when we were leaving G'ville from the Bally Hoo restaurant on 12/29.

These are things I may not forget, but just in case, they're now written down.

What can I say about my mother-- she was a living Saint!

I'll write more later. Good Night.

March 14, 2011

Baby Anya is developing so rapidly. In the last several days (since about Mar. 9) not only is she sitting strong and pretty all on her own but she has also begun to babble for real. She loves repeating dadadaa and gagagaa. Very exciting for this now 8 monther.

Forgot to mention something about Milena in my last post. Just wanted to always remember the infamous "wall of boogers." Gross indeed!

Just got back from a great family vacation in San Antonio. Would love to return someday. Highlights included a wacky mirror maze and dinner at the Magic Time Machine. Our waiters were Alice in Wonderland, Woody from Toy Story, Tinkerbell, and Peter Pan. It was so funny because my kids can't quite discern real v. imaginary yet. Alexander asked Alice "Who are you?" and she quickly replied, WHO ARE YOU? He was was very engaged, and before the end of the night he was also "the (under the) table monster! We loved the river boat ride also. Kids waited for 2 days to finally ride. They loved it, but Ana, of course, breastfed and was lulled to sleep half way through.

Dad survived the trip-- but had to come down hard on the kids a couple times. Once he was driving and things started to get loco. Fortunately, Ricky got his road rage under control rather quickly. Poor Milena has to put up with a lot of FOCUS!!! She distracts way to easily for Ricky's taste. Hope she's not permanently scarred. Natalya and Alexander sometimes imitate their dad when talking to her now. It'll get on her nerves for sure!

March 4, 2011

Ana is now almost 8 months old. Can't believe it! She was 27" and 15 lbs 9oz at her ped appt. last week. Her head was 17 1/4" I think. At 6 months she measured 25" and weighed 14 lbs 12 oz. Now for the even more important stuff: Ana loves eating. We don't feed baby food, we just give her small pieces of what we can from our plates at dinner. She sits so contentedly. Ana is a joy, but she does know how to cry when she wants to be carried and one of us puts her down. She loves being carried and cuddled. She started sitting a little by early February but really sat unsupported on Feb. 15 for the first time. It took a little while, but this past week (Mar 1st or so) I can say she really has it down. She arches her back well but doesn't roll over; in our house this is probably good-- much safer.

Milena is the best reader in her first grade class. Not the most organized. She's a spelling princess too! (like mama)

Alexander is a true little boy now, with spikey hair to boot. He enjoys his friends Peter and Max and now frequently comes home with pictures he wants to explain-- too bad it takes him so long to explain. He likes to repeat to make sure I really got it.

Natalya is now just over 3. Please potty train, girl. It's time! She still likes mama's milk too, but I'm fine with that. She was cute yesterday. Alexander was at home sick and not at school or in the van when she got in as I picked her up from school. She looked and asked, "Where's my other one Ale(x)ander?" Her friend at school is Alexander Horne, but at home she looks for Big Bro' Alexander, my other one!

Here's a spelling anecdote:
Alexander, you are D U M B. Milena's insult was lost on him, though. He can't spell yet. He just replied, Milena, you are M P O.

January 2011: New Year

Anya Boo Boo Kins (her official nick name) is, of course, growing up too fast. She's a pleasant, smiley baby who can often entertain herself. She also enjoys her siblings, especially Alexander's antics. She was up to 14 lbs 12 oz and 25 in at her 6 mo check up with a head circ. of 17 1/4. At a little past 4 mos (11/18) she was 13lbs 1oz and 24 in with a head circ. of 16 1/2 (I think). She's teething a lot on and off, so I'm looking for teeth to appear any day, but we'll see. She can kind of sit up now (as of Jan. 3). She has to put her hands on the floor and will falter after a minute or less, but she does have pretty good balance. She rolled on Dec. 30, but I have not witnessed her actually roll over since, though she'll kind of rock herself side to side. She's been grasping and grabbing now for quite a while. She makes fun sounds and coos to herself-- sweet sighs. She likes to eat paper-- or anything she can lift to her mouth really. I haven't exactly started her on solids with just one or two foods, but if the family is eating and we have something soft that she can digest, she gets a sample . . . whatever it is: apple sauce and sweet potato for sure but also peas, potato, yogurt, peeled grape, banana, and ice cream and frosting and even some other things!

Natalya had her 3rd birthday: a pizza party with her family and neighbors Madeleine and Caitlin. She likes Chucky Cheese and Jumpin Juper, but she was content with her birthday at home. She is full of life and funny observances. She says Anya has 'red' teeth-- her gums, I guess. I love her little mispronunciations: towdel, etc... and also when she says things like I want another one cookie. Her teachers at Montessori taught her to say "No, mam-- while making the time out sign. She's still into nursing and diapers. Might have to do with Anya and her competition with her, but she just likes these things and feels secure with them.

Alexander is good for making up his own jokes these days. He's got the format but not the concept of punch line. He started drawing, and his explanations of his drawings are really hilarious. "This is a picture of me, and these are the lice in my hair." Oh, yeah, we're dealing with lice this month. "These are electric eel, and these are ants staying in the hotel in Dallas."

Milena is going on 16. Kind of chasing boys, but she talks about playing with girls in her class too, like Anna whom she had a play date with recently. She works hard, and is making progress with reading, dance, and piano. Busy schedule for a little girl. She refuses pants, leggings, and tights for school. Leg warmers aren't a big hit either. I'm looking into clothes from "Kosher Casual" for next season. She's good at creating games for her siblings. I wish she wouldn't sweat the little stuff, like not being able to frost a star cookie because we ran out. She doesn't miss much. She understands a lot-- even dad's alzheimer's. Almost forgot--don't know what to think about the wall of boogers she has created. hmmm